My six month old baby boy (bottle fed) and I are having some sleeping problems. I know this is such a common theme of new parents and everyone seems to have their own opinions and tricks. I’m at a loss.
I’ve never wanted my baby to feel alone or sad or abandoned. I have always tried my best to hold him and comfort him as much as possible. I’ve let him sleep on me in the rocking chair for 4 straight hours, allowed him to sleep in my arms at night, and have always been right there when he awakens.
After six month of seemingly nonstop work at this, I’m exhausted, depressed, anxious and feeling like I’m on the edge. I don’t sleep at night, my baby ends up not getting a good night’s sleep because he wakes up often when he’s in his crib, and then when he sleeps with me in bed he wakes up when I wake up (which is often due to discomfort, anxiety, etc.).
My husband and I have discussed the “Ferber” Method and thought about trying to let him “cry it out”, but I’m not sure if I can take it. When he cries I go into some sort of adrenal-instinctual mode and all I can think of is how to make him feel better.
I understand that at some point in his life he’s going to have to face reality–that I won’t always be there to protect him and comfort him. But right now he’s only six months old and I feel like exactly what he needs is comfort and protection. But I also feel that my sleep deprivation is directly linked to his nighttime restlessness and something there has to change soon or I might lose it completely. I love him so much, but I need a few hours of sleep in order to care for him lovingly during the day.
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16 comments ↓
“I love him so much, but I need a few hours of sleep in order to care for him lovingly during the day.”
You need to change what you’re doing, not what he’s doing. Don’t leave him to sob alone; you’re the adult, you’ve got to do the work…
Put yourself to bed earlier. Like 8pm if need be.
When he naps during the day, lie down with him. Even if you don’t sleep, make yourself lie down and relax.
Get outside and get some exercise every day — put him in a sling and go for a walk no matter how tired you are.
CIO is cruel and unnecessary.
No your baby is crying because he needs something so your suppose to answer his needs not ignore him.
I Dont Think crying it out is a good idea, babies need to feel loved,they dont normally cry for no reason, especially being so young so its up to you but thats my opinion, you need some sleep, i was feeling the same the other day…getting all upset,tired etc so my friend took him for 4hrs while i went home and got some sleep! i trusted her, she has a 7yr old girl shes very good with my lil boy to. wouldnt do it all the time i woke up felt horrible him not being there nxt 2me! good luck xx
My son just is a few days away from being 1 and now just started sleeping through the night we set really good bed time routine with him and he has taken to it very well he is already sleeping right now (sigh of relife lol) but all children are differnt… maybe you need a night away cant hubby wake with the baby maybe a friday night and you stay at mom’s or a family member or friend that is what i needed for just one night… it is rough and it gets better i promise!-krisyu
You need to let him cry it out. You are letting him form a habit that he will not want to stop. You are not being the best mom when you are tired and depressed and you need your sleep. I work at childcare center where a mother felt bad that she always worked so she held her child non-stop when she is home and now all he does is scream at school because he wants held. Its the same type of thing. You have to let him cry it out sometimes and he will learn that when he wakes up he just needs to fall back to sleep.
Aww man i feel bad for you =(
I never let my baby cry it out and shes fine, independant and happy lol so i dont agree with it personnally, but you could always try it i guess.
I would try a couple things, make sure he goes to bed full. Try putting cereal with his formuls in his bedtime bottle. He may have gas or something so try gripe water.
I know its hard but he’ll grow out of it, good luck!
I do know where you are coming from. I have an 8 month old who wakes up a lot during the night still and I would give anything to just sleep all night. I know you need your sleep, however I think that to leave a baby to just cry it out is just not good for them. Nurturing your baby is your job and you are doing great. Just keep up the good work that you are doing and it will get better. Not sure when, but it will. Good Luck to you.
try another route first. I read Pantley’s no cry sleep solution http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/books/0…
there are many different ideas, not just one solution. hubby and i decided to try this because we couldnt let her CIO. it took patience and a couple months but our daughter sleeps so much better. she still gets up once or twice a night, but hey, thats better than every hour liek she was! and no crying at all!
My mom said I was the exact same way, though it almost “killed” her to let me just scream all night and not do anything (she said my dad had to hold her down)… but it worked and I eventually realized, “hey, I guess mommy isn’t going to come in here” and I went to sleep. I’m pregnant with my first so I’m not sure what will work for me, but though it will be so difficult I think you owe it to yourself and your little guy to try the “cry it out” method. Why not? Good luck hun!
The best thing you can do if you’re interested in the Ferber method is to go to the library and read a couple of books on the subject. We did it with our twins at about 8 months of age and it was the best thing we ever did. I will not lie, it was hard for the first few nights but in the end we have two children (2 years old) who sleep through the night and go to bed with no arguments. What helped me was to use a stopwatch, sometimes I felt like they had been crying for ages and when I checked the watch it had only been 2 or 3 minutes! It really does work and is not neglectful if done properly (read up!)
I have a friend who now wishes she had done it with her son, at 2 years old he’s still up several times during the night because he never learned to fall asleep on his own and as a result nobody in the family sleeps. She always says I’m ‘lucky’ that my kids sleep through the night, but I don’t think it’s luck. I think we just taught them good sleep habits and now it’s paying off. They still wake during the night, but instead of crying and getting scared they babble and sing for a little while before falling back to sleep. I still check on them several times during the night, so I’m certainly not a neglectful parent as some will say.
I really feel for you. I was exactly like you. My now 18 month old was a terrible sleeper for so long. I personally would never let my babies cry it out. I think that they are just so little and that they are crying for ’something’. I found The Baby Sleep Book by Dr Sears very helpful and then also The No Cry Sleep Solution book worked awesome for us. Good Luck!
Honestly, I could have written your post myself. After months of sleepless nights, I finally hardened my heart and got some books from the library. The method I chose was “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child” by Dr. Marc Weissbluth. Dr. Weissbluth, unlike Ferber, suggests not going to your child at all. I know I’m going to get slammed for this, but it really does work. I bawled the entire time for the first 3 nights. My daughter cried for 39 minutes the first night. The second night was 45, and the third night was 15. It’s been a week and a half now, and for the last 4 nights, I’ve been able to put her down, awake, without one whimper.
Call me cruel and neglectful, but my daughter was getting MAYBE 6 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, including naps. She’s a cat-napper. We’re still working on that. I have a 3 year old to keep up with too, so sleep is very important to me and to everyone else in the house.
My 7 month old is a happier, more agreeable baby because she sleeps through the night now. She goes to sleep around 7:30 each night and sleeps until 6 the next morning.
Dr. Weissbluth has many, many reasons for the need for healthy sleep habits, especially when our children are so young. I was very lucky with my 3 year old. She slept well from day one.
Every child is different. Do what you feel is right, even if it feels wrong in every sense of the word. You know what’s best for your child and yourself.
Good luck!
My son is now a bit over 5 months and I had the same problem, until recently. He would only sleep for a few hours at a time, barely nap, and would only fall asleep if I were holding him.
I broke the “being rocked to sleep” by putting him in bed with me, just til he falls asleep. I lay next to him on my bed as we watch a bit of TV (Noggin for kids) and he finishes his bottle until he falls asleep. Even though I am not holding him, I am near him so he is comforted. And Once he falls asleep, I wait about 10-15 minutes when he is in a deeper sleep and I put him in his cradle (which is next to my bed). A great trick if it is cold too- put a warm heating pad on the babies bed for a few minutes to warm up where he will lay (make sure it is not too hot), and when you lay him down he will feel the warmth and be more comforted.
Also- I recently started to put cereal in his bottle because he has acid reflux and that made a world of a difference in his sleeping habits!! He now goes to bed with a full belly, feels better, and sleeps at least 6 hours straight!
All of these little tricks really helped me. I know it is tough being tired and wanting the best for your baby. I could never let him CIO either. But make sure you find a way to start getting more sleep. It made things so much better when I was more rested.
Good luck to you!
Let your baby Cry it out is not a good idea. I have a six month old too and I have the same problem as you do. At first I wanted to let him cry too, but I decide not to. I was also holding him to sleep at night too and I told myself I have to change his sleeping habits or I am not going to get any sleep. What I do is I put his crib next to my bed (I took off one side of the rail). When he was a newborn to about 5 months old I always had to rock him to sleep before putting him down, but end up having him sleeping with me when he wakes up, if I put him down when he’s awake he will be screaming, and his screaming scared me to leave him alone. But now he’s almost six month old and instead of rocking him I would put him in his crib when he’s not too tired and I would lay down on my bed next to him, reading to him and playing with him. When I noticed he start to rub his eyes I turn on his musical mobile and he would listen to it and fall alseep, ( I kind of hide myself behind the pillows so he doesn’t see me, when he does he wants to be hold). However when he start to cry in the middle of the night I just pat him on his back and he falls back to sleep. I do this a few times a night. Atleast he’s not in my arms at night anymore.
Instead of letting him cry, you should try to put him down once he is fast alseep instead of holding him and when he wakes back up, sooth him to sleep and put him down again. You might have to keep repeating this several times until he decides he doesn’t want to be in your arms anymore. That’s what happen with my son.
Also, if your son keep waking up at night is because he may be teething.
Good luck.
have you noticed most people who have babies with a sleep problem dont allow their babies to “cry it out” well im the same my baby is 6month old and wakes up countless times in the night where i confort him n rock him back off to sleep. i am goin to try n let him cry it out although i no it is something that i really dont want do. i no that it will be more beneficial to my baby to let him cry in order for him to drift back off to sleep alone. this means we can both be happy during the day and not cranky becuase we would both of had a good sleep which means we can have more fun!! good luck!
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