His perfect life is me leaving him alone for a week straight while he plays world of warcraft & online poker. Of course he would still expect me to have intercourse with him, which, yes makes me very upset that he would still expect that. He hasn’t taken me out to dinner since December ‘06, and we’ve been married since october ‘06. It’s almost MAY. We are newlyweds and I know that it’s not supposed to be like this. He’s logged an average of 5 hrs per day every day for the last two years,, on world of warcraft alone. I had no idea his internet use was this excessive before we married. Believe me…I am more than frustrated. I’ve begun witholding sex completely and I’ve left once. He begged me to come back under all these conditions I did. Within two days of me being back the treatment is the same. That along with sleep deprivation & name calling. We are in couseling & I am literally booking airfare to a foreign country. I have NO IDEA what to do & I am totally fed up..HELP
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33 comments ↓
I feel for eevryone who has a person ADDICTED to a RPG game of some sort. My husband years and yera has always been a RPG gaming kind of guy, and now 19 years later into my marriage it’s out of CONTROL with this game SECOND LIFE. Sex, is out the window, but, omg, if I bought a guy home to watch a movie with me he would probably stand around a corner to hear the conversation we’d be having. I can understand the allure of beautiful graphics and meeting people, BUT when it’s affected my marriage the way it has, well I wished I had been a HACKER!! I’d give only my husband a taste of what it feels like to be ignored. I’m 46 and was one month away from turning 27 when I got married, and I meet my husband when I was 19. I love him & like most of all of you are saying in emotion about your husband, partners, whatever, there’s a time and place when enough is enough. So as far as intervention, good luck with that people, no good. Cutting off internet capabilities only makes it worse. He’ll get the back on if it was in your name the first place.
Fo me the real clinchers was, in March of 2010, my mom will have been dead 2 years. She really liked my husband, but saw how I explained how at times it hurt that the computer meant more than I did in his life. Saying this, my mom was in ICU with congestive heart failure and my husband NOT ONCE came to the hospital to sit beside me, even if it was to be there and not say a word as I was taking in the moment of my mom dying. My brother on the other hand his fairly new wife of 4 years, WAS right their beside my brother and my mom in the ICU room. My father couldn’t see my mom but for a very little time, for he was diagnosed with cancer, and his immune system was down and germs could have made him worse. Today my dad a widower still had cancer and doing better, not remission, but better. My brother’s wife was pregnant at the time of my mom being in ICU and the baby was born 2 months later, so my mom never saw her here on earth. I myself am still dealing with a recluse who refuses to admit there is a world outside of a house.
I’m a happy go lucky person, and a gift as a healer and being intuitive to be at the right place at the right time to help people.
So all I’m saying is I have tried all the stops, I did leave him for 2 months , but realized, why must I be the one to leave. I did nothing wrong and when you tell him to leave, well he still stays.
If anyone has any advise. I’d be glad to hear it. We do have all the gaming console systems too, BUT NOTHING, I MEAN NOTHING gravitates him to them, just the PC world of SECOND LIFE.
I would like to add, I knew my husband was into computers when we first met. We used to build windows desktop systems together. I myself, grew up around the computer age for my dad was a programmer. They say girls marry a man similar to their dad’s. Well my dad was and still is a up standing gentleman, my husband on the other hand has been spoiled by me and is a MAMA’s BOY!
Wow, sounds like his computer needs to have a mysterious “accident”. It’ pretty bad if you are withholding sex and he doesn’t care. You could always cancel the internet service.
get a divorce veryone else is doing it……….LOL
take the computers out of the house and see how he reacts
it begins with a D
almost sounds like my husband… he just spends hours in front of the tv even during dinner! and yes, sometimes i want to leave also. sounds like your new hubby isn’t adjusting well to married life. and instead of being honest about it, he’s shutting you out. he needs to learn how to communicate. i guess you could leave, but i’d give the counseling a try for a while and if that still does not change his behavior, then if you feel you need to leave, then do what you gotta do. hope this helps. good luck.
My husband plays that game as well, however, he only plays it when we’ve agreed on it because he could go on playing excessively. He just got done telling me that he would not lose his wife over the game, it’s not that important. I watched a documentary on gaming addiction, apparently it’s the real deal, so he might actually be addicted to it, meaning he has a hard time controlling this game playing, I think this point should be brought up and maybe he should seek help for this particular problem, not marriage counseling, if he doesn’t want to lose you. I know a lot about addiction, and if he is, to some extent he doesn’t care if he is hurting you but at the same time his clear conscience is saying he absolutely does not want to hurt you or lose you. This could be a serious problem, and not a marriage issue, I guarentee the problem isn’t you or how he feels about you, he simply can’t stop playing the game.
It seems your husband is psychologically incapable of being married, This could be a ground for annulment of marriage on the ground of excessive addiction to computer games.
But give it another time, clear out issues with him that needs to be improved or else before having any children yet, which would complicate it later on. Act now.
i would say calm down husband can we go out tonight to a romantic resterant and then when we get back we can have a romantic early night
tell him exactly how you feel. you are married and are supposed to tell each other everything and be open to each other. tell him how you feel and tell him that you have thought about divorce. that should change his mind.
i hope everything works out for you.. =]
leave him
He is very selfish, and he needs to get a life.
He obviously has an addiction to online gaming, which seems very childish for a man who is married. Your husband needs help from a counselor. How did you not know about this before your marriage?
If he completely refuses to comply, then there is really only 1 solution – Divorce. Leave that loser and find yourself a better man.
See the counselor alone and discuss it. But don’t wait 7 years and 1 kid later like I did before you divorce him. The behavior can eventually be changed but if you hate his guts before it gets to that point then it doesn’t matter.
if you’re in counseling, you’ll need to keep working it out. He sounds like a total tool though.
You should divorce. He is another one of those people who love playing on the internet and online (like me!). Maybe if you divorce with him, maybe he would learn his lesson… I hope. It’s really hard to get out of the world of warcraft habit. Trust me, I know. I have people at school who talk about nothing else but world of warcraft.
How old are you two? How did he manage to keep his excessive for the internet from you? Well you can have it annulment and go your way. Because he is dead set in his way and will not change for you and his marriage.
If you are so fed up then up and leave. You can’t make someone love you. Stop lowering yourself, grow up and move on…but then again maybe you don’t think too much of yourself either. So stop complaining about the ‘bed’ that you lay in!
newlyweds????why did you marry him? Why did he marry you?
Stop being so polite.
Scream at him until he listens.
If it still makes no difference, pack, leave & don’t go back.
He cannot be allowed to treat you that way. If he loves & respects you he needs to prove it.
Look at your at your choices. Leave or Stay. thats bullshit! If he wants to live single, then let him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…
YOu would think, Just because youre in councilling, its all going to change and everyone would live happily ever after. But sometimes 2 people are not compatible for marriage
No matter how hard you work at it. . If it doesnt change leave. You deserve happiness. My husband is STILL like that after 4 years. Nothing in this world is going to change the crap he does! Im just a sucker for misery I guess, thats why I havnt left yet. I am miserable with my husband. I know I tell you good advise that I should actually follow myself.
If you knew he was addicted to this game before you married him, why did you marry him?
Your own question told me you knew about it BEFORE you married him.
I don’t think you need to book airfare to another country, but you might need to save that money to hire a lawyer.
Any who would rather play games on a computer instead of be with his wife is a real moron.
My wife and I didn’t own a TV during the first few years of our marriage.
Is he a Christian?
Does he claim to be?
If he is not responding to counseling it could be the counselor you are seeing does not know what he or she is going.
I can refer you to some web sites to help you find good Bible based Christian counselors, who counsel according to the Bible and not shrinkology books.
Sleep deprivation is grounds in most states to ask a judge for a court order to remove him from the home. If that does not wake him up, nothing will.
You definately need to be clear that he needs to decide between you and the computer.
Pastor Art
Kick him where it hurts, then come and find me and i’ll treat you right! x
he knows you will come back. show him different. tell his @ss you are gonna divorce him and cuss him out for everthing he has done. go to another country. if he calls begging you back tell him you already been down that road and it was a dead end. if you are having this much trouble and yaw are newlyweds that sh!t dont do nothin but get WORSE honey trust me! the longer you are married the more he ignores you. counseling cant help that. i will tell you exactly what is happening… He was so nice when yaw dated, he took you out to eat and yaw had so much fun then you got married and he doesnt tell you that your pretty like he used to, you dont have fun etc… what happened was.. when yaw where dating he was trying to get with you so he did all those things to please you. now he has you honey!!! he dont have to try anymore!! that is coming straight from a husbands mouth and is the truth!!! get a divorce and date the rest of your life! you will forget him and his bullsh!t in time. if you leave and get back with him i PROMISE you that he will do the same stuff. it will NEVER change! please listen to me he will NEVER change.
Find a lover and let him know that you are ******* him.
He will either be okay or will leave you
I think divorce is a little harsh. You have not been married that long, and do deserve to give it your best shot. The is not to say that he is not completely at fault.
I spend time on the PC alot in the evenings too, but I will also make sure that my wife i happy with it. Before anyone says anything, it is not because I am under the thumb, it is because I love my wife and do like to spend time with her.
The fact is, you have brought it to his attention, and nothing has changed.
I suggest, get a life of your own. Start going out with friends. If he disagrees, ask him what the two of you are going to do together. If he has nothing in mind that he wants to do, then I feel he is trying to live the life of a single guy, whilst still having someone to sleep with at the end of the day.
It may be that if he is not bothered about you having a life and going out with friends, that it will soon change when you are not there. You really need to put the fear into him that he is not the only person on the planet (pretty much how he is treating you).
I do understand that there is only so much you can do, and over so much time, but give it a go. Remember, you married each other because even though you have problems now, you do love each other.
Hope that helps.
if you are serious you can only control how you respond to the situation. Unless he sees his addiction as real and it is priority oevr what should matter first, family then you have a long road ahead. You need to keep perspective. He must ask himself if he know it is an addiction and if he recognizes this he needs to break the cycle and purge his systom of it. You must seek ways to cope and then determine what your next steps are
I’m wondering… Was he like this before you got married? If so, then no surprize huh? Or… Short relationship before marriage, in which case maybe he went out of his way to impress you in the beginning, then 6 months later his true colors surfaced. In any case, you are definately worth more than the lack of attention he is giving you. Logging on that many times a day, sounds like you married a kid, not a man. Don’t second guess yourself. Listen to your mind, and don’t be blinded by your heart. You know what they say. You never know what you had to you lose it. Leave! When he calls begging you back, then lay down your rules
See the question about the woman who’s husband took a sledge hammer to the TV. It might be helpful or maybe you guys could switch spouses.
he is a very selfish man, and he needs to know that.
I honestly don’t know what to say to help, because I know a lot of people in this situation and there is just no good answer. I would love to say that he’s no good and end it, but I know that you love him and he was good enough to marry, so he must be worth something.
I hope things will get better, but maybe you should leave and take some time off. Don’t come back when he begs. Make him suffer, give him time to REALLY think.
Best of luck to you!
He’s your husband, its his job to be keeping you happy and exited and things like that. If he doesnt change his ways then i dont see you having another option other than leaving him. As i read the part about the name calling i think mabye it wouldnt be the worst thing if you did leave him.That isnt fair on you to be quite honest.
Running away to a foreign country is not going to solve anything because relationships are not geographical, they are spiritual. Your huband has an addictive dependent personality. It doesn’t matter if it is the games or drugs or alcohol. It may be that he wooed you and then when you said yes and agreed to marry him that he just viewed it as having “won another game”. I am sorry but there sound to be no possible future for you together unless he admits an addiction (which is now acknowledged as a problem by clinical psychiatrists) and deals with it. Sometimes we find out people are not what they appear to be and it hurts. Was he an only child? Did his Mom spoil him? He appears from what you say to be a selfish clot. But don’t run away from it. Deal with it and the sooner you do, one way or another, then if it fails to be repaired you can take a month off in the States or Oz or wherever. Good luck.
He has an addiction to these games and needs help. I understand how you would be frustrated! You should sit him down and tell him that you love him and you miss the time you guys spent together. And that one day you want to have children w/him but you wont if he cant even be a good husband to you. He needs an intervention, seriously.
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